Three Little Words
by tracyh
Summary: James Potter is living with Lily Evans after Hogwarts. He adores her and at first he was sure she loved him, so why can’t she say those three little words and what lengths will James go to find out her true feelings?
1. A Decision For James

**Three Little Words**

Disclaimer: No, Harry Potter still isn't mine. You really think I'd create characters this good?

A/N Another story that has been kicking me around for a few days. Inspiration seems to be striking regularly lately…must be the weather! This time James Potter is living with Lily Evans after Hogwarts. He adores her and at first he was sure she loved him, so why can't she say those three little words and what lengths will James go to find out her true feelings?

As ever, please read and review, but most important of all, enjoy!

**CHAPTER ONE: A DECISION FOR JAMES**

James Potter was making his way home from a long day in Auror training. He was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home and change out of his work clothes into something more comfortable, have a good meal and snuggle up on the sofa with his girlfriend, Lily Evans, who he had been involved with for a year and had been living with for the last three months.

James sighed at the thought of Lily. To him she was the most beautiful woman in the world. With her striking emerald eyes and thick red hair there was no other woman who could compete with her. He knew that for him this was it, Lily was the only one he would ever want. She always had been.

James thought of all the years at Hogwarts when he had tried to get Lily to go out with him. He had failed spectacularly, mainly because his means were distinctly…_unconventional_. For years he tried various ways of drawing Lily's attention to himself, which usually involved him showing off on his broom or pulling some amazing prank with his friends, thinking that she would be impressed and give in. She had ignored him and called him a bighead.

When the more extravagant plots to conquer Lily failed James tried other methods. Usually this involved following Lily around a lot and asking her at random moments if she would go to Hogsmeade with him on the next trip. The idea was that he would catch her off guard and she would agree to the aforementioned Hogsmeade trip in a moment of weakness. Lily Evans, it seemed, _never_ had moments of weakness. Soon it was as if the two had a rehearsed script. James would stroll over to Lily in between classes or at lunchtime and say the immortal words, _'Go on Evans, give in and go out with me, you know you want to!'_ Lily's reply would either be a bellow of _'I SAID NO POTTER!_' or, in a more thoughtful mode, _'Potter, which part of the words 'get lost' do you not understand?'_

There were other replies Lily gave to James's constant request, but seeing as these usually involved Lily threatening to cut off James's most delicate body parts if he asked again, he chose not to remember those too clearly. He did remember, however, that after she made the threat he never asked again unless he was in a situation where a quick exit was possible, or one of his friends was around. James was sure Lily wouldn't attack him in front of witnesses…..would she?

The two went on like that until the 7th year. Then suddenly James was confronted with something that would fill most teenage boys (especially teenage boys who spent as much time in detention as in classes) with dread….and disbelief. He was made Head Boy. He was even more amazed when Lily Evans, known throughout Hogwarts as 'James Potter's Lily Evans' was made Head Girl. Immediately his mind went into overdrive. He could hardly believe the Headmaster was condoning him spending time with Lily, after all, the school Head students had to work closely with each other. James didn't have a problem with that. Lily Evans, strangely enough, _did_ have a problem with that, and made sure she told everyone at every opportunity.

Then, a couple of months into the 7th year Lily received some terrible news. Her parents had been killed in a terrible car crash. At just seventeen years of age Lily was an orphan. Worse was to come when Lily realised that her older sister, Petunia, blamed her for what happened and informed her that she was no longer part of the family and wouldn't be welcome at home when school was over.

During this awful time for Lily James Potter took it on himself to be her protector. He couldn't stand to see her so upset. Seeing her cry gave him a physical pain around his heart, so he quietly offered his support. At first Lily was suspicious. She couldn't believe that James was being kind just because he wanted to. It was hard to accept that his motives were innocent. But James steadfastly stuck to the task and Lily softened. Soon James became her constant, a figure of security in a world that was so uncertain. She confided everything to him in long emotional conversations in the Heads Common Room. She admitted that James knew things about her she could never tell anyone else. She had grown to need him in her life. That admission gave James the confidence he needed to confess his real feelings for her. To his amazement Lily said she felt the same. Within a few short weeks Lily and James had gone from arguing all the time, to friends and then to more….much more, James thought happily. At least that was how _he_ felt. Either way, Lily officially became his girlfriend. He was happier than he'd ever been.

On leaving school Lily had tried to reconcile with her sister, but had been harshly turned away. Lily had eventually moved in with a distant relative on her mother's side of the family but the elderly lady didn't like Lily receiving frequent visits from the boy she referred to as 'that strange boy with the funny hair'. Eventually, after much worry over the problem, James asked Lily to move in with him. Apart from the fact that he hated the old woman Lily lived with, he was spending so much of his time with her that living with her seemed the most sensible thing to do. His own parents had been dead for a few years, so he still lived in the family home. There was more than enough room for one more. Lily agreed happily providing it was understood that she would need her own room. James gladly agreed. He wanted to look after Lily. He wasn't about to make her do anything she wasn't ready for. James could still hear his best friend Sirius Black shrieking with laughter at that one. He flatly refused to believe that James could live under the same roof as Lily and not want to sleep with her. James informed him through gritted teeth that what he wanted didn't come in to it; he was more concerned about Lily's feelings. Sirius had just shrugged and muttered 'Yeah, yeah, I believe you' in a tone that said he clearly didn't.

Now James and Lily were living together happily. All except for one thing, he reminded himself, sighing again. He thought it over for the millionth time.

In all the time James and Lily had been a couple, Lily had never used three important little words. Not once had Lily ever looked James in the eye and said 'I love you'. At first he didn't mind. He was _always_ saying it. They could be in the middle of a meal, or doing some mundane task like the weekly shopping and James would turn to Lily and utter those three words he had waited years to say to her. She would beam with pleasure and hug him before she looked up into his eyes and said 'I know you do', or 'me too James'. She never actually said the words themselves to him. Even in private she was the same. His declarations of love would be greeted by 'Yes, I know' or, if Lily was in a funny mood, 'Of course you do, why wouldn't you?'

James had resigned himself to the belief that once they had settled properly into their relationship she would be able to say it, after all, she had not long lost her parents and had been abandoned by her closest relative, she was bound to feel insecure. However, now, a year into their relationship and three whole months since she had moved in with him, he wasn't so sure. He was starting to think that maybe she hadn't said it because she didn't feel it. Perhaps she didn't want to lie and saying 'I love you' to someone when she knew she really didn't, would be a lie. Perhaps she had never loved him.

As James walked the last few streets that would lead him home he made a decision. If Lily couldn't admit her feelings soon he would have to break the relationship off. As much as he loved her, as much as he knew he needed her, he couldn't be with someone who didn't love him.

A/N There we are, the first chapter. Bear in mind that this will be a short story, probably no more than about four chapters. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but regular readers of my stories will know what I'm like. My previous story, Waiting (nothing to do with this new one) is a one-shot and I know it's too long really, so I decided to make this a short story. Anyway, enough from me. As ever, please review; let me know what you think. You know I like it! The more reviews I get, the faster I update, promise!


	2. True Feelings?

A/N Thanks to my reviewers for my first chapter…all two of you. You will receive personal responses, I just wanted to get another chapter up first.

I've uploaded this on the hottest day in the UK….probably ever. As we speak it's about 102C and I'm melting, so reviews would be nice, just as a bit of added incentive.

Anyway, on to the next chapter, more soon. Promise!

**CHAPTER TWO: TRUE FEELINGS?**

James reached home at last and went inside. He found Lily in the kitchen, preparing a meal. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, quietly watching her as she worked, studying the look of rapt concentration on her face. Moments like this always reminded James of all the years at Hogwarts when he had watched Lily in classes. Then, as now, she would focus solely on the task before her, nibbling slightly on her lips, her eyes glazed over as her mind focused on what she was doing.

James watched Lily for what seemed like a long time, while she continued to cook, completely oblivious to his presence in the room. After several long minutes, James coughed softly, and Lily immediately turned towards him, a wide smile on her lips. She put down the knife she was using to chop vegetables and turned to him; she walked swiftly towards him and kissed him softly. Instinctively James slipped his arms around her and held her close. At times like this James was almost able to convince himself that even if Lily couldn't say it, she must love him. The look in her eyes, the way she held on to him, said as much as words. But then he would cup her face tenderly between his hands and tell her he loved her. Lily would smile and agree with him, without ever saying the words he longed to hear. Then the truth would dawn on him. Lily was dependent on him. She had no other real family except for a slightly batty old woman who wouldn't be around much longer, her mother's cousin, the woman Lily had lived with briefly after leaving Hogwarts, and a sister who had abandoned her. Lily had latched on to James after her parents deaths; he was her security, someone who had eventually given her a home and a fresh start. She must be grateful for what he'd done, but whatever way he chose to look at it, gratitude wasn't the same as love.

Lily and James spent time, as they did every evening, telling each other about the day they'd had. Lily told James that she'd spent some time on the wards at St Mungo's that day, putting some of her Healer training into practice. She laughed as she explained that most of her time was spent healing injuries from spells that had gone wrong, including one wizard who had managed to turn himself purple while attempting to magically dye his hair. 'He looked like a giant raspberry!' Lily giggled, her face alight with joy.

James laughed with Lily, enjoying her pleasure in something that she'd found so funny. Then she straightened her face as she asked James about his own day. 'Oh, it was all right', he said, his mind going over the events of the day once more, 'but I tell you, if Moody yells 'Constant vigilance Potter! Constant vigilance!' at me once more this week I won't be answerable for what I do. Honestly, that man is so paranoid. I swear he sees enemies and spies around every corner'. Lily nodded sympathetically, 'Well, I suppose it's the job isn't it? I mean, he's been an Auror for ages, he must have seen some awful things in his time, you know, what with Voldemort and everything, its bound to make him suspicious of people'.

James was struck immediately by the irony of Lily's words. She seemed to be able to understand Alastor Moody, James's Auror instructor, and the reasons behind his outlandish behaviour, but she couldn't see what was going on right under her nose. She couldn't see that her own boyfriend was having serious doubts about how long their relationship would last if she couldn't express her feelings.

Lily must have sensed that James had stopped listening to her. Suddenly he was aware of her waving her hand in front of his face. 'Where did you go off to just then? For a minute I don't think you were here,' she said, a concerned expression in her eyes. James forced a smile on to his lips. 'Oh…you know…I'm just….er….. a bit tired…long day and everything', he replied, recovering himself quickly. Lily seemed to study his face for a moment, still looking worried. 'James are you all right? Is there something wrong?' she asked, watching his face intently. For a moment James wondered if he should say something about his feelings. Was it really the time to have the talk he knew he and Lily would have to have at some point, the discussion that would probably end their relationship? As soon as he thought about it, he knew he couldn't do it yet. The expression in her eyes was so full of worry, worry for him, that he just couldn't bring himself to say anything. This was another one of those moments when he could believe that Lily loved him. He wanted to hang on to that, just a little longer.

The evening went on as normal. James and Lily enjoyed a relaxed meal together, talking more about their day. James had to admit that Lily might not be forward with her emotions, but she excelled in cooking. It was usual for her to finish her training each evening before him, so she would come home and prepare a meal for them both. James had given up questioning why Lily insisted on cooking the Muggle way, rather than by magic. He couldn't see the pleasure in standing around preparing something just to eat it. Lily had explained many times that she just enjoyed cooking. She found it relaxing after a day in training and also, she didn't want to lose sight of her own Muggle background. In spite of himself, James understood that. Lily had essentially lost her family, her blood family; perhaps holding on to some Muggle skills was a way of keeping them with her? He pushed away a niggling thought that maybe she wanted to hang on to some of her Muggle ways because she wasn't happy with him and didn't want to lose skills she would need if she ever wanted to go back into the Muggle world.

After the meal James washed up and Lily dried the dishes. Suddenly James doubts and fears surfaced again. He knew it was the normality of the evening that did it. There he was, tidying up from the evening meal with his girlfriend, the woman he loved more than anything else in the world, but inside, he knew the scene wasn't normal. There was something between them, a secret of sorts that would have to be faced one day. As he stood beside Lily he decided that the time had come. As Lily reached her hand out to take a plate from him James took his chance. Instead of passing her the plate from the sink, he reached out and grasped her hand in his. Lily turned her head so she was looking him in the eye. She smiled softly, 'What's all this James? Come on, lets finish this and then we'll have time for…_other things_'. She fluttered her lashes flirtatiously at him.

James felt his heart rate speed up. Lily hadn't taken her eyes off him and he hadn't let go of her hand, the atmosphere in the room had suddenly become charged with electricity which seemed to flow between James and Lily from their clasped hands and locked gaze. Then James remembered what he was doing. He released Lily's hand and turned to face her. She looked at him questioningly. 'James, what are you….' she was interrupted as James leaned towards her and kissed her softly on the lips. 'I love you' he sighed, as he stroked her cheek tenderly with the back of his hand. He felt that if this was going to be the end, he wanted to remember her, take the image of her into his heart and mind and keep it there forever….with him. Lily beamed with pleasure before she inched closer to James and kissed him again.

For one wonderful moment James thought she was about to say how she felt, without holding back anything. He held her to him as she pulled out of the kiss and looked up into his eyes, he caught his breath as she opened her mouth to speak, 'Yes, I know you do, and I….' James felt his heart turn over in his chest. She was going to say it…she was! '…think we should finish this washing up' Lily said, turning back to the sink as James came down to earth with a resounding thump.

James felt crushed. It was as if Lily had taken his heart out and stamped all over it. The disappointment he felt washed through his entire body, almost making him shake. He had to take a second to try to steady himself. Then the reality of the situation sank in, flooding through him in an overwhelming rush. Lily _didn't_ love him. He had desperately wanted her to prove him wrong, but the way she had just stood and responded to him so dismissively proved it. She didn't love him, she probably never had.

In a second his disappointment turned to anger. How could she deceive him like that, not only now, but for a whole year? How could she get together with him while they were in their last year at school, knowing he loved her, knowing he had already loved her for years and knowing that she didn't love him? How could she be so cruel? James knew he hadn't been an angel at school, he and his friends, the Marauders, had fooled around and pulled daft pranks. He had constantly followed Lily around at one stage, practically stalking her in the hope that one day she would fall for him like he had for her, but even then, they might have argued sometimes, but he had never been deliberately cruel to Lily. He loved her too much for that. But now, here she was and she had deliberately deceived him. Suddenly, as much as he loved her, he was furious with her. He finished the last few pieces of washing up and then he turned to Lily again. He took a steadying breath before he said what he knew he must say. 'Lily, I've been thinking….' He was interrupted by Lily as she grinned, 'Oh really, well there's a first' she laughed for a second, but stopped abruptly when she realised James was serious. She looked at him quizzically. 'I'm sorry, go on, what is it you've been thinking about?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

James turned over in his mind what he wanted to say. Could he outright ask her if she loved him? He rejected the idea immediately. He knew perfectly well that if he asked, Lily would just give one of her usual answers, and would avoid saying the actual words. Then he would get angry and they'd end up fighting. The last thing James wanted, if they were going to break up, was to have it all end with a fight. He also realised that if he asked the question, Lily could easily say no and then they would really be finished. As much as he loved her, there was no way he was going to beg her to love him or cajole her into saying what he wanted to hear. If Lily ever did say 'I love you' he wanted it to be because she meant it, not because he'd had to drag it out of her. He'd worked so hard to build a relationship with her. If Lily turned around now and said she didn't love him, James knew he would lose the will to fight for her. What would be the point? James also knew that as hurt as he was, as angry as he felt at the moment, he wasn't ready to end things with her yet. He couldn't do it. He decided that he needed to get away from her for a while, to give them both chance to think about what they wanted from their relationship or how, if it was over, they would deal with ending it.

All the time James was turning his thoughts over in his head, Lily was watching him intently, waiting for him to speak. James noted somewhere in the back of his mind that she looked intrigued. She clearly didn't have a clue what was coming. He tried to be as calm and clear as possible. 'I…I've decided I'm going to go and stay with Sirius for a while, at his flat'. Lily's eyes widened in shock. 'Why, is Sirius all right?' she asked quickly, her voice showing her concern. James nodded, 'He's fine. No Lily, it's me…I need some space for a few days….I think we both do'.

James was finding it hard to stay calm. Lily had a bewildered look on her face; she clearly didn't understand what he was talking about. In the past James would have tried to explain himself, but now he forced himself to hold back. He was afraid that if he pushed at the moment, explained what he was doing and why, Lily would feel obliged to tell him she loved him. He wanted her to say it because she felt it, not as a means of keeping him with her. Lily stared at James, clearly trying to gather her thoughts. Then she spoke, her voice sounding almost afraid. 'But I don't understand James, why do you need to go to Sirius's to have space? We have our own rooms here, we have our own lives. You don't need to move into Sirius's…' then suddenly she seemed to comprehend what he was getting at, 'unless of course it's me you need to be away from'. James responded by saying nothing. Lily took that as confirmation. 'Oh, I see' she sounded stunned, as if she could hardly believe what was happening. 'But you just said you love me, why do you want to be away from me if you love me?'

Any anger that James felt died when he heard Lily's tone. In the past, if they argued she would stand her ground and come back at him with some strong words. Now she sounded dazed, confused and hurt and he could hardly stand it. He was immediately torn. Part of him wanted to forget the whole thing and go back to that moment when he kissed her when they were doing the washing up. He tried to convince himself that he didn't need words to know how Lily felt about him. Actions spoke louder than words. But then the question rose up in him again. If Lily loved him, why couldn't she tell him? Looking at her now, seeing how confused she was, James could see that Lily didn't even realise they had a problem. His announcement had been a complete shock to her. He knew they couldn't move on until Lily could see they had a problem and he couldn't explain the problem to her without feeling that he was forcing her to say something she didn't really feel. James knew in the long run, that would just make the problem worse. With that in mind, he spoke. 'I do love you, but I think we both need some time to think about how we feel about each other and….' Lily interrupted him, her eyes wide and her tone desperate. 'But we know how we feel, don't we?' James shook his head, again ignoring the temptation to ask her how she felt. 'No Lily, I'm not sure we do….at least not both of us'. Lily gaped at James, clearly still bewildered about what was happening. James could see she was trying to take in what he was saying. 'So…so does that mean you're leaving me?' she asked. James watched her swallow hard as she finished speaking. He had to battle with himself not to put his arms around her. Whatever she had done, or rather, not done, he hated hurting her like this. But even so, he couldn't be with someone who didn't love him. He shook his head uncertainly, 'No, but I do think we need to have a think about what we want and if we have a future together'.

Before Lily could reply, and before he could change his mind and stay, James turned away from her and walked out of the room. He went upstairs and quickly put a few things into a bag before he went back downstairs and out through the front door, leaving Lily to try to understand what had just happened between them.


	3. Time To Think

A/N Did anyone spot my mistake in my authors note in chapter two? I said it was 102C, I should have said 102F! Honestly, my brain has fried! Either way, it's very hot!

Thank you all so much for your reviews. I have to say, I write first and foremost for me, because I like to write, but when you get reviews it makes the effort worth it. I can understand how disheartening it is for writers here who don't get reviews for their work. I suppose I'm old enough not to be bothered, but for some young writers, it might discourage them from trying. Anyway, I was very pleased to see the reviews I've had so far, and all so kind too. I will reply to each one. I will just say, I do realise that when you have dialogue between people, they are supposed to be on new lines, for ease of reading. However, I personally tend to think that when the dialogue is short, it can look wrong on the page if it is split. I just find the way I write it easier, it helps me to flow and hopefully, makes the dialogue more natural.

Anyway, that's more than enough from me. I'll leave you in the capable hands of James and Lily….not that either of them will be a bundle of joy for a while yet. As ever, read and review.

**CHAPTER THREE: TIME TO THINK**

Lily Evans stood in the kitchen for at least an hour after her boyfriend had left the house, still completely confused about what had taken place. The only thing she knew was that at the beginning of the evening she was happy, laughing and kissing and telling James about her day at St Mungo's, and then James was saying he needed some space and was going to stay with his best friend, Sirius Black for a few days. In her shocked state, it hadn't even occurred to Lily to say that as it was his house, she should be the one to go. She wondered if she should get in touch with him at Sirius's and at least offer to move out herself. She dismissed the idea. James had seemed in a hurry to get out of there, away from her. He hadn't even said goodbye when he went. He wouldn't want her bothering him, even if it was his house. She decided to give him a week. If he hadn't come back in that time she would get her things together and move back in with her mother's cousin for a while, a least until she could get a place of her own.

Soon Lily tired of the kitchen, the quietness of the room seemed to mock her, reminding her that someone wasn't there. She sighed heavily and went through to the living room and dropped into an easy chair by the fireplace. The only light in the room came from the sun as it streamed through the window, creating an orange glow in the room.

Lily sighed again. She thought of all the evenings she had stood in the garden with James and watched the sunset when she first moved in with him. They would stand, in each others arms exchanging kisses. Then James would say 'I love you Lily' and kiss her again as the sun dipped and day turned slowly to night. Now Lily knew that within the next couple of hours the sun would be setting and she would be alone.

Lily turned the events of the evening over in her mind again. She just couldn't understand what had happened. She couldn't understand how it was possible for a person to express his love and then essentially say he was leaving. He hadn't even given her a clear explanation. All he'd said was that he thought they needed some time to think about how they felt about each other. Lily remembered questioning this; she thought they _knew_ how they felt. Surely they'd been together long enough to know? She could still hear James's reply, _'No Lily, I'm not sure we do….at least not both of us.'_

Suddenly Lily Evans knew why James Potter had gone. His words said as much. She reasoned that he _must_ know that she loved him. She showed him _all_ the time, she was always kissing him, cuddling him, cooking meals she knew he would enjoy when he was tired from Auror training. She kept the house tidy so that he would always have a clean house to come back to. She was certain James knew how much she loved him.

Lily realised there was only one reasonable explanation for James's behaviour. In spite of what he'd said, in spite of the way he'd held her in his arms and kissed her, the truth was obvious. James Potter had stopped loving Lily Evans.

James Potter arrived at his best friend's flat. He knocked on the door a couple of times. Soon he heard a high pitched giggle and some muttered swear words before a low voice yelled 'I won't be a minute!' James frowned; Sirius clearly had a girl in his flat. He shook his head in exasperation, realising his timing could not have been worse. He'd left his girlfriend on one night his best friend was…._busy_. Then he realised what he'd thought. Had he really left Lily? No, he answered himself. As he'd explained to her, he thought they needed some time to think about how they felt about each other. Or, rather, Lily needed some time to work out her feelings for him.

James was distracted from his thoughts as the front door before him opened suddenly. Before he could react, a dark haired, handsome young man a little taller than himself appeared and following him, a blonde woman, with baby blue eyes, a low cut top and a skirt short enough to see….everything. James smothered a groan. When would Sirius ever settle down? This was obviously another in a long line of _good friends_ Sirius had made. Each had been blonde and attractive in a 'come and get me' sort of way. They had also all been incredibly…..James struggled for the right word. In an instant he found it….._thick_. Sirius was obviously with them for something other than stimulating conversation.

James watched as Sirius showed his _new friend_ out of his flat, patted her on the bottom, drawing another giggle out of her (James had to fight to restrain himself from thinking that if he'd ever done that to Lily she wouldn't have giggled, she would have done something painful to him with her wand!) and then waved her off, assuring her that he would be in touch. At the same time he turned his attention to James and rolled his eyes, as if to say that it would snow in a particular hot place before he ever contacted that _friend_ again. In spite of his frame of mind, James grinned and followed Sirius Black into his flat.

The two young men went into the flat. Sirius shook his head. 'Honestly Prongs, remind me in future to pick women who know how to spell their own name'. He flopped down into a seat, looking exhausted. James smirked, 'Oh come on; she can't have been that bad surely'. Sirius muttered something James couldn't quite make out, but judging by the look on his friend's face, it might have been just as well. Then he broke into a huge grin. 'No, for once you're quite right. It wasn't that bad, it was worse, much worse!'

The friends laughed together for a moment before James remembered why he was there and became serious. Sirius Black, who had known James since he was eleven years old and was as close to him as a brother, realised immediately that something was wrong. He straightened his face and turned his eyes towards the front door. 'Is Lily on her way then, late from training or something?' Sirius knew that these days it was rare for James to be apart from Lily except for training. James shook his head and swallowed. He knew he'd have to explain what was going on if he was going to stay with Sirius. It wouldn't be right to keep him in the dark in his own home. 'No….she's…..Lily's….she's at home', he said at last, finding it difficult to find the words. Sirius nodded, still certain that something was wrong, 'Oh right, well I suppose she's tired from a long day or something?' James shook his head again. 'No….er….I….um…..'

Suddenly James realised what he'd done. Whether it was temporary or permanent, he _had_ left Lily. The truth hurt as it began to sink in. But he soon saw that Sirius was waiting for him to say something that made sense. Shifting in his seat, he looked his friend in the eye. 'Padfoot…is….is there….' Sirius Black could see that his closest friend was clearly upset. 'What is it Prongs, has something happened to Lily?' he asked, as his heart began to thud. Lily had become a good friend since she had got together with James. If anything bad had happened….James sighed and, to Sirius's relief, shook his head and seemed to pull himself together a bit. 'No, at least not in the way that you mean, she's fine'. Sirius raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'Well are you going to tell me what's wrong then, or do I have to guess?'

Again James sighed. He suddenly seemed to flop in his seat, his face took on a defeated expression, he knew there was no getting away from it; he would have to tell Sirius what had happened. 'Padfoot, is there any chance I could stay for a few days? I think….I think I might have just left Lily'.

A/N Well there we are, chapter three. I think I might actually be looking at five chapters for this. Sirius is going to be a major part of the next one, hence why this is written like this, with a bit of a cliffhanger….how will Sirius react? More soon!


	4. Potter's Best Friend

A/N Another chapter in my story, which I hope you'll enjoy. This one concentrates on James and Sirius, and perhaps addresses some thoughts some of you have put to me in reviews. The next chapter may be mainly Lily and Sirius, or it may be Lily and Sirius at first and then move on to how Lily and James resolve the mess they are in. We shall see! Anyway, as ever, read and review, you know I like it!

**CHAPTER FOUR: POTTER'S BEST FRIEND**

Sirius Black stared at his friend in what could only be described as astonishment. He felt his mouth fall open in shock. He could hardly believe what he had just heard. James had left Lily? Even as he thought it, he still couldn't take it in. Something drastic must have happened.

Sirius remembered all the years James had tried to get Lily to go out with him. James and Sirius had shared a dormitory with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew at school. Collectively known as the Marauders, they were the school pranksters, but they were also the closest friends Hogwarts had ever known and as such, James shared all his 'Lily disasters' as they came to be known, with them, often, Sirius thought wryly, in the early hours of the morning, when he relived any argument he'd had with Lily, in his sleep. He would moan in his sleep for a while and then, when this stopped, he would progress to muttering to himself, and throwing himself around on his bed. The other Marauders had tried everything to stop him, including throwing pillows and other assorted items to wake him. James would just wake for a moment, glare at whoever he suspected of throwing whatever had hit him, and then he would settle back down again, only to start moaning again five minutes later, thus starting the whole cycle off again. In the end the Marauders gave up the fight but much relief was evident in Gryffindor Tower when they'd all mastered the Silencing Charm.

Sirius cast his mind back to the 7th year when Lily heard the news of her parent's deaths. James and Lily were just getting used to being Head students (well, James was getting used to it, Lily was just biding her time until she could persuade Dumbledore that James Potter and Head Boy were not normally words that should be seen in the same sentence) when Lily received a letter during breakfast one morning. Sirius could still recall the sound of the redhead as she released an agonised cry before she stood and, with tears streaming down her face, stormed from the Great Hall. It took James Potter about half a second to rise and follow her, his legs going as fast as they could carry him.

That was the beginning of James and Lily. At first though, James was more concerned with helping Lily through her bereavement than in trying to get her to go out with him. Sirius knew that at first Lily had been suspicious of James; she just couldn't see that he wanted to help her. But what Lily didn't know then was that James Potter's own parents had died suddenly during the fourth year, so he knew better than most what Lily was going through.

James had refused point blank at fourteen to let anyone know about his parents except for the Marauders and his teachers. He hadn't wanted anyone's pity, so even Lily Evans, who James had loved almost from the moment he laid eyes on her, didn't know. James told Sirius later that when, that morning in the 7th year, he told Lily about his parents she refused to believe him. She thought it was just another of his ploys to get at her. But then he stood and told her about his parents, their lives, what they'd done, and how much he loved and missed them still and she could see he was telling the truth.

There were other setbacks of course over the next few weeks; Lily found it hard to adjust to this new, mature, sensitive James Potter. But, as Sirius knew he would, James stuck to her like glue, always there with an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, which James had said, she had done, a number of times, and soon she began to trust him. In time companionship turned to friendship and then James admitted his feelings for her and found, Sirius smiled fondly at the memory, that Lily felt exactly the same. It was official. James and Lily were in love. Then Lily received a letter from her sister, disowning her and blaming her for her parent's deaths. Naturally, Lily was devastated. Sirius could still hear Lily as she sobbed in James's arms.

Once school was finished for good Lily moved in with a distant relative of her mother's. Sirius never met the woman but he knew James couldn't stand her. Behind her back (and Lily's, Sirius had to admit) he called her 'that witch'. Sirius had roared with laughter and pointed out that his 'beloved Lily' was a witch! James had just snorted and said he meant 'witch in the bad sense of the word….that woman is evil, pure evil!' So, nine months into his relationship with Lily, James Potter asked Lily to move in with him. He was ecstatic when she agreed, providing certain conditions were in place. The conditions caused Sirius some amusement, but he knew that in the end, James loved Lily and wanted whatever she wanted. It was that simple. They seemed blissfully happy together, which is why Sirius was now sitting in his flat, with his mouth gaping so much it was practically on his knees.

After a moment of silence, in which Sirius kept opening his mouth to speak, before appearing to change his mind and close it again, and James shifted somewhat nervously in his seat, unsure of how to gauge his friend's reaction, Sirius found his voice. 'You've….you've left Lily?' It was as if he needed to hear it again to confirm that he hadn't gone mad or misheard the first time. James released a breath of air he hadn't even realised he'd been holding and nodded. 'I….think I have….maybe'. Sirius shook his head rapidly to clear his thoughts, and then he collected himself and sat up straighter on his chair. Something was obviously not right here and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Frowning uncertainly, he looked James in the eye. 'Prongs, are you messing about, playing some sort of stupid joke on me, because if you are, it isn't funny, so pack it in'. James groaned and ran a hand through his hair, making it twice as untidy as normal. 'I'm not joking Padfoot, I'm deadly serious. I've left Lily…..maybe'. Sirius shook his head again in bewilderment. 'What do you mean, there's no maybe to it is there? Surely you've either left her or you haven't, so which is it?' James sighed, 'Well, I suppose I have'.

Sirius Black felt his jaw dropping again as he listened to James. Pulling himself together, he swallowed quickly. He still couldn't understand what James was talking about. James practically worshipped Lily, there was no way he'd leave her, so what on earth had happened? He cleared his throat before he could speak again. 'So are you going to tell me why?' James sighed heavily again. 'Because she doesn't love me, I don't think she ever has, not really'. To his amazement Sirius's face suddenly cracked into a wide grin and he burst out laughing. 'Lily doesn't…..doesn't love you! Oh now you are being funny! Honestly Prongs, you need to do better than that, now clear off back to her or drag her in here from where she's hiding! Lily doesn't love you! Oh you're priceless mate, really priceless!' Sirius had obviously decided James was joking after all.

James Potter glared in disbelief at his closest friend. 'Hang on Padfoot, I come here for a place to stay and some friendly support because I've just left my Lil'…..I mean my _girlfriend_, and all you can do is laugh like a demented hyena at me? Some friend you are! He rose from his seat in annoyance. 'I'm off to Moony's place; he'll be more sympathetic than you!' With that, he moved towards the front door, muttering to himself as he went. Sirius rolled his eyes and straightened his face. James was obviously serious, but to think Lily didn't love him? The man was insane! However, he decided that pointing out that obvious fact might not be a good move. Instead, he stood and grabbed hold of his friend as he rushed towards the door. 'Look, I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard that's all, come on, come and sit down and tell me what's been going on'. James turned to Sirius. He was going to tell him to get lost and say he could manage on his own thank you very much, but as he opened his mouth to speak the words just wouldn't come. Instead, with a resigned look on his face, he threw himself back down into his seat and groaned in frustration.

Sirius sat and waited for James to speak again. He didn't have to wait very long. Seconds after James groaned he launched himself into unloading everything that had been worrying him for so long. Sirius listened patiently, resisting any temptation to say a word until James had finished. James told Sirius about the scene in the flat when he'd tried to get Lily to say what she felt, only for her to dismiss him. Then he talked about the year that they'd been together and how he was always telling Lily he loved her, and she had never said it back. Sirius's eyes widened in amazement, 'What, you mean she's never said it, not at all?' he asked at last, when he was certain James had run out of things to say. James nodded unhappily, 'Not even once'. He ran an agitated hand through his untidy hair, 'She didn't even say it when we first got together. Looking back on it, I said it and she agreed with me, she didn't say it herself and she never has, so it seems obvious to me, she doesn't love me does she, she never has'. James was beginning to sound desperate. Sirius sighed and tried to sound reassuring, 'Well perhaps she's just shy about saying it, some people are like that you know, we don't all wear our hearts on our sleeves like you do'. James nodded, 'I know, but most people, if they love someone, tell them won't they, even if it's just once, and that's all I want Padfoot, just once, I want Lily to look me in the eye and tell me she loves me, it isn't too much to ask, is it?'

Sirius couldn't think of anything to say to that. He had to admit, James did have a point. Most people who are in love say the words to the person they are in love with, but then again, he also knew that there were people who, as much as they wanted to, just couldn't say those three little words. They might feel it strongly enough, but saying it, actually putting it into words was just too difficult. He admitted to himself that he was like that. The idea of being with one woman forever, and declaring his love in the way James found so easy frightened the life out of him. He had solved the fear by going from one meaningless fling to another. Maybe Lily had solved it by agreeing with James when he said it, thinking that he would just know how she felt. He realised now that maybe Lily Evans, who was bright and quick to catch on to things, didn't know her boyfriend quite as well as she thought. But that didn't solve the problem of what to do about it. James had obviously decided in his mind that just because Lily hadn't said it, she didn't love him. That, Sirius knew, was almost certainly not the case. He knew he had to get James to see that somehow. Turning to James again he spoke, trying to be reasonable. 'Look mate, you can't just assume that Lily doesn't love you just because she hasn't said it. She's been with you for a year and she's lived with you for three months; that has to mean something.' James shook his head firmly, 'No, all it means is that she knows that now her parents are gone and that cow of a sister of hers has turned her back on her, if she finishes with me she'll be on her own, so…'

Suddenly Sirius found himself getting annoyed. James wasn't even trying to understand Lily. All he could see was what he wanted. 'So you thought you'd save her the bother huh, you thought you'd finish it before she had chance to, Prongs you complete idiot!' he cried at last, unable to restrain himself any more, he could hardly believe what James was saying, he was making Lily sound like she'd used him and somehow, Sirius just knew that wasn't right. James opened his mouth to say something, probably in his own defence, Sirius thought, but he cut him off again. 'Now look, you need to stop worrying and wallowing in self pity...' James went to open his mouth again, but Sirius was deliberately ignoring him, 'and you need to get yourself home to your girlfriend and start apologising for being so stupid and even thinking that she doesn't love you, or at least you should give her the chance to tell you she doesn't, without jumping to stupid conclusions!'

Now it was James's turn to gape at his friend. Sirius Black, his closest friend, someone he regarded as a brother, was having a go at him for the way he was behaving to Lily when the blame for their problems lay with her! He could hardly believe it. Couldn't Sirius see how hurtful it was to be so open with someone you love so much and then have them completely overlook your feelings and close themselves off to you? But then James had a thought. Lily didn't actually know what their problem was. He hadn't talked to her about it, what he'd done was leave her to try to work the thing out on her own. Bracing himself for Sirius's reaction, James stared down at his knees before he could say anything. Somehow he had a feeling that looking Sirius in the eye to say this wouldn't be the cleverest thing to do. He cleared his throat nervously. 'Padfoot, the thing is…' he hesitated, trying to think how to put it. He knew it was just better to get the whole thing said and then wait for the explosion he knew would come. 'The thing is…er….Lily doesn't actually know why I've gone….I just…er…sort of said we needed a break to work…to er….work out how we feel about one another…I was sort of hoping she would work out what the problem was, so I can't apologise can I, until she knows what I'm apologising for?' He took a breath when he'd finished, but couldn't raise his eyes.

Sirius Black was up out of his seat in a flash. He knew that at the moment, as much as he thought the world of James, he could cheerfully throttle him. He was staggered. James Potter had gone on and on for years about Lily Evans. He'd spent practically every day of his years at Hogwarts chasing her. He was ecstatic when they got together. But now, just a year later he was prepared to lose that if Lily couldn't work out they had a problem? The man was crazy!

Sirius knew he would have to do something to put this mess right. He couldn't stand back and see two people that clearly belonged together split up over something that could easily be solved if they would just talk to one another. He knew he would have to begin by making James see the consequences of what he'd done this evening. He looked down on James, who was sat with his head bowed, as if something on the floor was holding his full attention. 'So, what do you plan on doing if Lily doesn't work out why you've dumped her?'

James Potter lifted his head up so fast he nearly cricked his neck. _Dumped_? That wasn't exactly the word he would use. He knew that yes, he _had_ left Lily, but he knew in his mind that once she had worked out what the problem was, if she said she loved him, he would be back with her in a second. The thought that she wouldn't work it out at all hadn't really crossed his mind. He knew that if Lily said she had realised the problem and admitted to him once and for all that she didn't love him he would find the strength to leave her for good, as hard as it would be. Being with someone who didn't love you just wouldn't be right. But what if she never worked out what the problem was? Could he really live without her if there was even a remote possibility that she might love him? James knew the answer to that. Suddenly he realised he'd been incredibly stupid. He should have asked Lily what she felt for him, or explained to her how he felt when she never said I love you. Instead he'd just gone, walked away from her, to let her work it out on her own. Now there was the possibility that he'd never be able to be with her again. He couldn't stand the thought of that. But what could he do to put this right? Maybe he'd ruined things with Lily anyway. Maybe now she wouldn't want him back.

Turning to look at Sirius properly, who was still standing looking down on him, with an expression that was somewhere between anger and sadness on his face, James found his voice again, though his emotions were almost getting the better of him. The thought of never being with Lily again was devastating. 'I should have talked to her shouldn't I? I should have told her how I felt and asked her what she feels for me shouldn't I? Oh God Padfoot, what am I going to do?' James was finding it hard to keep a grip on a lump that was rising in the back of his throat. 'I can't be without her Padfoot, not forever, I just can't, not if she loves me'. Then James put his head in his hands and covered his eyes.

Sirius Black watched his friend as he finally took in the full meaning of what he'd done that evening and his heart went out to him. Sirius knew that James would never be any good without Lily Evans. He had loved her for so long, even before they were together. The thought of what he'd done and what it might mean must be agony. Sirius knew he would do anything to help his friends be together again, as they should be. He made up his mind what was going to happen next. He reached out to James as he sat with his hands in front of his eyes and placed a strong hand on his shoulder. 'Look, don't worry about it. We'll sort this out, you'll see. Firstly, it's late now so we can't do anything tonight, so you can stay the night here…' Sirius looked out of the flat's window and could see it was growing dark outside, 'but first thing in the morning I'm going to go and see Lily, just to check if she's all right, and I'll ask her to come and meet you, to talk things through. You can meet her in the park down the road; it'll give you some neutral ground to talk. Don't worry mate, it'll all be all right, you'll see'. Sirius gave James's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and then he quietly left the room to give his friend some time to himself.

James Potter took in everything Sirius said. He wanted to snatch at the hope Sirius had offered him. He hoped that if Sirius could just see that Lily was all right and could persuade her to give him a chance to explain things to her, they might be able to work things out. He remembered the park just a short walk away from Sirius's flat. He used to take Lily there when she first moved in with him. They would have romantic picnics there and long walks, holding hands, or with their arms around each other. Then they would stand by the boating lake and kiss or talk for ages, learning new things about each other, growing together with each new discovery.

Suddenly the thought of what he would lose if he couldn't put things right with Lily overwhelmed him. With his hands still covering his eyes James Potter allowed his tears to fall.

A/N All together now, aaah! More soon!


	5. Chasing and Seeking

**CHAPTER FIVE: CHASING AND SEEKING**

A/N Well here we are, my fifth chapter in this story. Thanks again for all the reviews. You make me happy! Just review this and I'll be ecstatic….sure, I need to get out more!

When Sirius Black got up the morning after James Potter had turned up at his flat after leaving his girlfriend, he found his friend still sitting in the same seat he was in when he'd gone to bed, though now his glasses were hanging off his nose and he was snoring. James had obviously sat up all night until he'd fallen asleep where he sat.

Sirius tip-toed around his kitchen making himself a cup of coffee, trying not to disturb James until he'd had some rest. From the state James was in when Sirius had left him the night before, he could see that leaving Lily was taking its toll on him and it had only been a few hours since he'd seen her. Sirius couldn't help but worry about what would happen if it turned out that Lily Evans didn't love James after all, or if after what James had done, Lily refused to take him back. Sirius knew that Lily would probably eventually learn to cope, even if, as he firmly believed, she loved James. She had taken everything that had happened to her, her parents deaths and then her sister abandoning her, and, after being distraught for a time, she had pulled herself together and dealt with it. If she parted with James, it might take time, but Sirius was sure she would cope. James, on the other hand, just doted on Lily. She was his strength and stay in life. If he lost that, through what he had done, Sirius was certain he would at the least never forgive himself and worse, could easily allow himself to slide into despair. Sirius had to admit to himself, if that happened, he was afraid of what James might do. He was determined to get his friends back together, whatever the cost.

As Sirius thought, quietly sipping his coffee, James Potter stirred. Halfway between being awake and asleep, he must have forgotten briefly where he was. Before he opened his eyes the first thing to cross his lips was a name. 'Lily?' he mumbled uncertainly, before blinking, his eyes opened. Taking in his surroundings, reality dawned on him and he sighed heavily. 'I was dreaming I was at home and she….she was there', he explained unsteadily as Sirius handed him a cup of coffee. Sirius nodded sympathetically, 'I know mate, but after today you'll be with her again, won't you?' James sighed again, 'But what if she won't listen to me? What if she won't take me back? Sirius if I've lost her I…' James couldn't go on, he was losing control of his feelings, just as he had the previous night.

Sirius moved and sat down opposite his friend. 'Now listen, just you go and sort yourself out, have a wash and put some clean clothes on, I'm going now to see Lily. I'll come back and let you know how I've got on. I'll talk to her. I'll get her to meet you in the park so you can talk to each other and see if you can sort out this mess. It'll be all right, you'll see.' He moved towards the front door.

James watched Sirius as he was leaving the flat and his heart began to thump. He was terrified. More than anything he was afraid of what would happen if Lily said she loved him but couldn't take him back because he'd hurt her too much. The thought of spending the rest of his life without her was almost more than he could take. Before Sirius could leave, James called him back. Sirius looked over his shoulder quizzically. James swallowed hard, 'Will you tell her for me….tell her I'm sorry…and tell her….tell her I….I love her, will you?' Sirius shook his head firmly. 'That needs to come from you mate, but don't worry, you'll get your chance to tell her, it'll all be all right'. Turning towards the door once more, Sirius left the flat.

James stood for a moment as Sirius left, then he moved and, as Sirius had said, he went to tidy himself up, all the while praying that Sirius was right and it would all be all right.

A short time later Sirius Black arrived at the house where James Potter lived with Lily Evans. He wondered what sort of reception he would receive from Lily. Would she assume that as James's best friend, he would automatically take his side? He knew there was only one way to find out. Tentatively he knocked on the front door.

Almost as soon as he'd knocked, the door opened and Sirius came face to face with Lily. He could tell straight away that she was in as much of a state as James. Her dark red hair was sticking out in all directions and her eyes, which were usually a striking shade of green, had dark circles underneath them and red rims in the lower lids. Lily looked like she'd been crying for hours and hadn't slept well. She was wearing a pair of pyjamas that were obviously much too big for her. In fact, Sirius thought, he had a recollection of seeing James in a pair that matched these. Sirius met Lily's gaze with his own. 'Can I come in Lils?' he asked after a moment, 'I really need to talk to you'. Lily didn't speak, she just stood aside from the door and Sirius stepped inside.

Lily had been up for most of the night. After sitting in the living room for hours after it was dark, she decided that she couldn't put off going to bed any more. She went to her room and closed the door, certain that she'd never felt more alone in her life. She knew that might seem strange. She didn't share a room with James, she had said from the moment he asked her to move in with him, she wasn't ready to sleep with him yet. He had seemed happy just to be living under the same roof as her and accepted it without question. The truth was that while she didn't in principle think that sex outside marriage was wrong, James would be her first and the only man she would give herself to. She secretly hoped that her first time with him would be as his wife, on her wedding night. She wanted it to be special. She loved him so much she wanted the first time they made love to mean something. She wanted to show him that she was giving him not just her body, but her heart too.

As Lily remembered her hopes for her future with James, the realisation dawned on her that it was all just a dream now. James was gone, probably forever, and, from the way he had spoken before he left, he didn't love her any more. The thought caused Lily a pain around her heart worse than anything she had felt before, even after her parent's deaths. She got up and went into James's room where she found a pair of his pyjamas in a drawer, and she changed into them, smelling him on the fabric. The scent was supposed to be a comfort. Instead, it made the pain around her heart ten times worse. She quickly went back to her own room and shut the door again. She threw herself down on to her bed and cried until she ran out of tears. Then she fell into a fitful sleep, full of strange dreams where she could see James, but couldn't reach him, no matter how much she stretched out towards him, and then other dreams, where she could hear him calling her name over and over, but though she tried to find him, he was nowhere to be found.

Now, in the light of day, Lily couldn't face the thought of getting dressed and doing anything. Without James, there seemed no point. Then the there was a knock on the front door. For one wonderful moment Lily thought it might be James. Maybe he had come back, maybe he had realised that there was nothing to think about, he loved Lily after all. But then, as Lily dragged the front door open she came face to face with Sirius Black, her boyfriend's closest friend. Disappointment crashed all around Lily. She knew she should have known it wasn't James really, he wouldn't have knocked on his own front door, but her hopes had risen so suddenly at the sound of the knock, the disappointment when it wasn't him was painful. Then Sirius was asking if he could come in, he needed to talk to her. Lily couldn't find the strength to speak. She stood aside and allowed Sirius through the front door.

Lily followed Sirius through to the kitchen. She stood, leaning with her back to the kitchen sink, as Sirius found a chair at the table and sat down. After an uncomfortable moment when neither of them knew what to say, Sirius cleared his throat and spoke. 'Are you all right Lily?' he asked, taking in her dishevelled appearance, which was so unlike her, again. Lily nodded and swallowed hard before she seemed able to speak. 'I…I'm f-fine'. Her voice was unsteady, her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, which she attempted to blink away before Sirius could see. She didn't manage it. In a flash Sirius was standing, holding Lily in his arms. 'Now come on Lils, it's all right, don't cry, you know I'm not good at the whole weeping woman thing!' He cracked a joke to try to lighten the situation, while Lily clung to him, tears streaming down her face. After a moment she regained her control and pulled away from her friend, who stayed at her side. 'I…I just….I didn't sleep very well…and…I…I'm tired…and….Sirius is James with you?' She asked the question so suddenly that Sirius was caught by surprise for a moment. Sirius took Lily's hand in his gently. 'He's at the flat Lils', he replied, 'He stayed at mine last night, he turned up and asked if he could stay….he was pretty upset Lils'. Lily nodded and bit her lip, but didn't say a word.

Sirius sat back down at the table again. 'Lily, what's been going on here? I thought you and James were happy, really happy'. Lily nodded again and took a seat opposite Sirius. 'I thought so too Sirius, really, but we were both wrong…..he…James…d-doesn't l-love m-me a-any m-more'. Her eyes filled again. Sirius stared at her in shock, 'What did you say Lils?' he asked quickly, reaching out and grasping her hand in his. Lily sniffed and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of James's pyjamas. 'W-well, what other reason would there be for him to…for him to l-leave m-me?'

Sirius gripped Lily's hand soothingly while his mind took in what she'd said. He felt an urge to bang Lily and James's heads together. Honestly, Lily obviously thought James had left because he had stopped loving her, and James had left because he thought Lily didn't love him! They were impossible, both of them! He groaned under his breath, but Lily heard him and turned her attention to him, forgetting her tears for a moment. Sirius ran his hands through his hair in frustration. 'Lily, James does love you, you don't need to doubt that, honest'. Lily rolled her eyes and rose abruptly. Sirius braced himself, he knew what was coming. Lily glared at him angrily, 'Well you would say that wouldn't you?' she said harshly, 'You _are_ his best friend, one of the famous Marauders; you're bound to take his side!' Sirius shook his head firmly, 'Lily I promise you, I'm not saying this because Prongs is my best mate, and definitely not because I'm taking sides, which I'm not by the way. I'm saying it because it's true'. Lily was still glaring, 'How do you know? Did he tell you? Did he actually say he loves me?' She was becoming angry, but whether she was angry with Sirius or James, she wasn't quite sure. Sirius nodded and Lily released a disparaging laugh. 'Well I'm sorry Sirius, but if he loved me he'd be here wouldn't he, and I wouldn't have spent half the damned night crying for him like some soppy love-sick girl!' Sirius took a breath and tried to stay calm. 'Well, all right Lils, tell me what James said then, tell me why you think he doesn't love you'.

Lily went back to the sink and stood, facing it, looking out of the kitchen window. 'He said he thought we needed some time apart to think about how we feel about each other. I said I thought we already knew, but then he said that he didn't think we did, at least not both of us. So it's obvious isn't it? James was talking about himself, he just doesn't love me any more. There wasn't any other reason for him to go'.

Sirius took a chance, he knew he had to get across to Lily it wasn't his own feelings James doubted, it was hers. 'Lily, honestly, I swear on James's life, he does love you, he loves you like mad, he told me so'.

Lily Evans turned back to Sirius sharply. She stared intently at his face. She knew Sirius well enough to know that he thought the world of James and that it was mutual. The two men had established a firm friendship when they were just boys at school. Nothing had ever come between them for long, Lily doubted it ever would.So to hear Sirius swear on his closest friend's life, stirred something inside her. He wouldn't do that unless he was telling the truth. But would James lie to Sirius? Without even having to think about it she knew he wouldn't. Lily had known for years that Sirius Black was one of only a few people who could make James Potter think about the way he behaved. At school, if James was showing off too much it would only take Sirius to tell him to stop and he would stop. So, if James lied and Sirius found out, she knew what would happen. Sirius would be angry and James would be devastated to think he might lose his closest friend. He wouldn't even take the risk. Slowly hope began to rise in Lily. James did love her. But then, if that really was the case, why had he left? She turned back to Sirius and asked the question with her eyes. She just couldn't think of any reason James would leave if he loved her.

Sirius Black looked back at Lily and thought carefully about what to say. He wanted her to know how James felt, but at the same time he understood how important it was to James that she work out the problem herself. Sirius didn't want to play games, there had been enough of that, it seemed to him. He decided to help Lily on her way, while not exactly telling her too much. He began by asking a question. 'Lily, do you love James?'

Lily Evans stared at Sirius. What was he asking such an obvious question for? She looked into his eyes and could see he wasn't fooling around. He was asking a reasonable question. 'Of course I do' she replied, her voice firm and clear. Sirius nodded. 'Yes, I know you do. The thing is though Lils, does James know?' He asked the question so calmly Lily was taken aback. 'Well of course he knows!' she cried incredulously. Sirius nodded, 'How does he know Lils?'

Now Lily could feel herself becoming annoyed again. Sirius was sitting at her kitchen table asking stupid questions. After the night she'd had she really wasn't in the mood. She just couldn't see what he was getting at. Sirius saw her confusion and smiled kindly. 'It's all right Lils, I know I'm being annoying, but you'll thank me in the end, I promise, so just answer the question, how does James know you love him?' Lily glanced at him quizzically, and then she sighed, thinking it over. 'Well I live with him don't I, and I cook meals for him when he's tired from training every day. I spend most of my time clearing up after him, and I don't complain about it. I like the place to be nice for him because I love him, so he has to know doesn't he?'

Sirius really couldn't believe his ears. He wasn't sure why James was already treating Lily like a little housewife for a start! But what was more shocking was that Lily thought that in doing all that, James would see she loved him. It obviously hadn't worked too well. 'I see' he said at last, recovering himself a little. 'But do you ever tell him Lily? Do you ever look at James and just say I love you?' Lily huffed, 'Well of course I do!' she cried, giving Sirius a glare that would send lesser men searching for somewhere to hide. Sirius smiled kindly again. 'All right, when? When did you last tell James you love him, when did you last just say I love you?'

Lily resisted the urge to glare at Sirius again. The man was being ridiculous! Then something made her think. When was the last time she told James she loved him? She thought hard, her face changing expressions every time she thought she remembered a time and then changed again when she realised that it was James who'd said it that time. Again, she did the same, and responded in the same way. She went on like this for some time, her face changing with every new thought. Then suddenly she had a thought. Her heart lifted and somewhere inside her she sensed a chance to put things right with her boyfriend. But first, she looked at Sirius, almost feeling an urge to hug him, but resisting the temptation. 'Sirius I need to see James, did you say he's at your place?'

Sirius Black grinned broadly. He knew Lily would get it! 'Yes Lils, but he's going to be in the park down the road from mine very soon. What about meeting him there instead?'

Lily smiled brightly. She remembered all the times she had been to that particular park with James. It was a special place for both of them. 'Yes, that's a good idea, I'll do that', then a doubt crept into her mind, 'He will want to see me won't he Sirius?' Suddenly Lily felt nervous. Sirius smiled reassuringly, 'Course he will Lils, he loves you'. Then he looked grave, 'There is one thing though Lils, before you go'. Lily caught her breath and allowed Sirius to go on, afraid of what he might say. 'I'd go and put something other than his pyjamas on first'. Then he burst out laughing.

Lily frowned, for a second Sirius had really scared her, the idiot! Then, seeing his face, full of laughter, she couldn't help but be carried along with it. She laughed, looking down on herself in James's baggy nightwear and then she quickly went upstairs to change. She had someone to see and it couldn't be delayed any longer. She couldn't wait.

A/N Hope that was OK, I know it might sound as if Lily has realised why James left really easily. However, I've written it this way deliberately. It will give me scope for some (hopefully) good writing when James and Lilyconfront one another again, which is going to happen soon, very soon.Final chapter coming up asap.


	6. Corinthians One, Chapter Thirteen

**CHAPTER SIX: CORINTHIANS ONE, CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

A/N A chapter with an odd title, I hear you say. Just get a bible and go to that particular reading. I think you'll get the idea. But just in case, in most bibles some of the chapters have subheadings. In this case, in mine this chapter has just one word as its subheading. Guess what that word is and you'll see why I used the reference as a chapter title.

Sirius left Lily alone while she got ready to meet up with James. He went back to his flat, feeling much easier than he had when he arrived. Somehow he had a feeling that James and Lily would work things out now. Assuming that they didn't fall into having a silly argument when they met, Sirius was certain that by the end of the day Lily and James would be together again. He went into the flat and found James, dressed in a pair of jeans that looked new and a white t-shirt, he'd also made an attempt to flatten his hair, not that it had worked. Sirius smiled thoughtfully. James looked casual, which suited his personality, but also smart, which, Sirius knew would please Lily.

James looked at Sirius anxiously. 'Well? How did it go? Is Lily all right? Is she going to see me?' He fired the questions out one after another, it was obvious he was nervous. Sirius smiled thoughtfully again and sat down. James began to pace the room in agitation. Sirius stood and steered James into a seat. 'Now just slow down a bit, you'll work yourself into a state…nice clothes by the way Prongs' he added, as an after thought. James frowned. 'Oh, well, the time dragged while you were out. I just kept worrying about Lily and what might happen, so I went out and did some shopping…so, come on, tell me, is she going to see me?' Sirius realised he wasn't going to get anything out of James until he gave him some answers, so he nodded and grinned.

James Potter saw Sirius Black nod and smile and his heart turned over. Lily was going to see him! He could hardly wait. Turning towards the door, he went to go out, but Sirius grabbed hold of him. 'Hang on a minute Prongs, we need a little talk'. James was immediately worried again. Turning to face Sirius once more, he stood stock still, his heart thudding painfully. He couldn't help thinking that this might be bad news. But then Sirius sat down and indicated a seat for James to do the same. He did so, as if on auto-pilot. 'Listen Prongs, Lily does want to see you, but you've got to have a serious talk with her' Sirius said decisively. James swallowed and nodded. 'I know, I know it won't be easy, I don't expect Lily to take me back just like that, but just as long as I can see her, I can explain to her why I went and…' 'Lily thinks you've stopped loving her', Sirius interrupted abruptly.

It took James a second to absorb what Sirius had said. 'Lily thinks…she thinks….what?' He was amazed. Why on earth did Lily think that? Sirius nodded, 'Yes, she was really upset when I first got to your place, in tears and everything. She was sure you'd gone because you've stopped loving her'. James had to swallow hard. He felt so guilty, it was terrible. He had left because he thought Lily didn't love him; it was never his intention for her to think he had stopped loving her! James knew that would never happen, it just couldn't. But then he had a thought. 'You said she was upset because she thought I'd stopped loving her…so does that mean she…she loves me?' Suddenly James could see a chance for him and Lily. Surely if they loved each other, they could work out this mess. Sirius nodded, 'Yes, of course she loves you; she told me she does, so go and talk to her, sort it all out'.

James was suddenly lighter than air. He grinned at Sirius before turning again towards the front door. He couldn't wait to see Lily again. Though it had hardly been a day, it felt like forever. James knew in his mind, if Lily was prepared to take him back, he would never leave her again. He moved closer to the door when Sirius suddenly called him. He turned back, a quizzical expression on his face. Sirius smiled brightly. 'Tell Lily you're going to help her clean your place up more in future, offer to help her more around the house'. James was confused. 'What? What does housework have to do with…..' Sirius frowned. 'Just do it Prongs'. Still confused, James wordlessly nodded, before, with one last wave to Sirius, he left to meet Lily.

A short time later James arrived at the park where he was to meet his girlfriend. As he walked the paths of bark chippings that crunched softly under foot, he remembered all the other times he had been to this place with her. He thought of all the picnics they'd had, sitting in a huge area of open, grassy ground that was lined with trees. Above was just an expanse of sky with nothing to disturb it. James loved that place especially. It reminded him of the grounds at Hogwarts and how he and Lily had first got together. However, there was also the boating lake here, where James and Lily had spent many hours, talking, learning about one another and, James had thought, growing together. Now he wondered how well they really knew each other if they had managed to misunderstand one another so badly. He silently began to pray they would be able to sort it out.

James walked for a long while, deep in thought. Soon he realised he had reached the boating lake. The early summer sun reflected across the water. James looked down into the reflections, suddenly drawn to a shape, an oddly familiar shape that was topped by something which, even through the water, looked distinctly red. James dragged his eyes away from the water, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked up and then he saw her. Standing on the opposite side of the lake, with her back slightly turned away from James and the water, with her head bowed, was Lily Evans.

James resisted the temptation to call out to her. She was standing almost directly opposite him, with just the small boating lake between them. He was immediately torn. Part of him wanted to run to her, take her in his arms and beg forgiveness. But another part still lingered. What if Sirius had got it wrong? What if Lily didn't love him after all? What if she did love him but still wouldn't take him back? Then he pulled himself together. One way or another, he had to know for sure. He had to talk to her. Slowly, he began to walk around the lake, each step taking him towards Lily.

Lily Evans arrived at the park just a few seconds after she had dressed into something smarter than James's pyjamas. She had apparated there, even though she really didn't like the sensation of apparition. Just for once, she didn't care. She wanted to see James and apparition was by far the quickest way to get around. Now she wore an emerald green sleeveless summer dress. It matched her eyes and complimented her hair. She wanted to look her best; somehow the thought that she looked good gave her confidence to face whatever was going to happen now.

Lily walked through the park, turning over what she wanted to say to James in her mind. She thought once more about her feelings for him. She could hardly believe what Sirius had made her realise. In the year she had been involved with James, she had never once told him she loved him. Looking back, Lily knew that she hadn't deliberately avoided putting her feelings into words, but she realised that what she had done was fall into a habit of trying to show him how she felt, thinking that was all it would take, and James would know. Now Lily wished she could go back and relive the past. If she could, she would make sure she told him. However, she knew she couldn't go back. What she had to do now was go forward, tell James what he meant to her and hope that he believed her.

Lily was so deep in thought that she didn't realise where she was walking until a reflection made her jump. She looked down and suddenly realised that she was looking at herself through water. She had reached the boating lake, where she had spent so many happy hours with James. Overwhelmed by a hundred memories at once, Lily felt tears stinging the back of her eyes. Turning, so that she had her back to the water and her face turned away, she silently blinked the tears away. She didn't want to be in tears when James arrived. She needed to be able to talk to him properly.

Soon Lily was distracted from her thoughts when she realised that someone was standing almost right behind her. Without even turning around Lily knew who it was. She could sense him. Then he spoke.

'Lily', whispered James, as he came and stood right behind her. The sight of her took his breath away. With the early summer sun making her hair shine vividly, and a summer dress that he knew would match her eyes perfectly, she had never looked more beautiful to him. He knew that whatever happened now, he would never leave her again, not if she was prepared to have him back.

Lily stood still and absorbed the sound of her boyfriend's voice. It seemed to flow all through her body, warming her heart. She wanted to turn and face him, take in the features that she had grown to know as well as her own, but it was suddenly as if her brain wouldn't take the signals from her legs. She stood still, while her heart pumped dramatically.

James stood behind Lily, barely able to prevent himself reaching out and slipping his arms around her. He knew instinctively though, that he couldn't do that yet. They needed to talk. So, swallowing, he concentrated on the back of her head and spoke, wishing all the while that she would just turn and look at him. 'Lily I…' he began, suddenly feeling as if his mouth was full of cotton wool, he was nervous. He swallowed again, harder than before, getting a grip on himself. 'Lily….I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry!' he exclaimed, his heart racing. He needed to convince her that he knew he'd done the wrong thing in leaving and, if she'd just give him a chance, he would never do it again.

That was all it took for Lily. In an instant she turned on her heel and was facing him. 'You don't need to be sorry James, it's me who needs to be sorry, and I am, really, I'm so sorry, I've been so stupid, stupid and selfish'. She looked into his hazel eyes as she spoke, desperate to convince him she was telling him the truth. James shook his head decisively. 'No, it's my fault, I should never have just walked away like that, it was wrong. I should have talked to you, told you what was worrying me. Instead I just went, left you alone. I should never have done that. I promise you Lily, if you'll just forgive me and give me another chance, I'll never leave again, never!'

Lily could see James meant every word. He seemed determined to take all the blame for what had happened and she just couldn't let him do that. But he was still talking, his words tumbling out one after the other. 'I just panicked, I suppose I thought if I just put some distance between us you would work things out and we'd be all right. It was stupid, thoughtless. I should have given you a chance. I should have told you I was worried, I'm so stupid, I…' James's passionate outpouring was halted by Lily as she reached out and took his hand in hers. 'James' she whispered softly. James stopped talking abruptly; he grasped the hand that was in his. He gazed into her striking emerald eyes and had to swallow hard. Lily was looking at him with such an expression in her eyes; she took his breath away again. He found himself unable to speak. Lily saw her chance and took it. 'James I need to tell you something, something important I should have said ages ago, something that I truly never meant not to say…..James I love you'.

'_James I love you'_. The words echoed in James Potter's ears for a few moments. He let them sink in, while he felt like a Bludger had hit him on the head…hard. Then the fog in his mind cleared and, he did the only thing he could think of doing. He reached out and pulled Lily to him, holding her as tightly as he could.

Lily clung to him in return, she sighed with relief. 'I never meant to not say it James, really. I suppose when we first got together I was just so certain we knew how we both felt that we didn't need to put it into words, even though _you_ did, _very_ often' she half smiled against James chest as he held her and she felt his grip tighten. 'Then, when I moved in with you, I just got into a habit of trying to show you how I feel. Now I wish I'd just said it'.

James continued to hold Lily close. 'I should have told you I needed to know. I should have said I needed you to actually tell me how you feel. I can't believe I tried to make you guess like that, that was just stupid, and childish, I'm sorry'. His voice was filled with remorse.

Lily eased out of James's arms and gazed intently into his eyes. 'I thought you'd stopped loving me, I thought I'd lost you, then when Sirius came he was adamant that you loved me. I thought about it and I realised that if you loved me, you hadn't left because you'd stopped, so I knew it must be something I'd done. Sirius asked me when I'd last told you I love you, but he didn't tell me why he was asking. I thought he was being silly. Then he made me think. I realised it wasn't just a case of me not saying it for ages, like the habit some people get into. It was worse, because I realised I'd never said it, not once. I knew I had to put that right….assuming you still want me'.

James reached out and grasped Lily to himself again. 'I never meant for you to think I'd stopped loving you. Lily I do love you, I love you so much. Sirius made me see what I'd done. He made me realise that if you couldn't work out my stupid guessing game we'd end up being apart. He made me see I'd done the wrong thing. He told me I should talk to you, to give you a chance to tell me how you feel. I realised that there was a chance that if I was determined not to talk to you, we might never be together again, even if we do love one another. I just couldn't stand the thought that I might have lost you'.

Lily looked up into James's eyes. 'You couldn't lose me James, I love you'. James beamed, 'I love you too Lily, so much'. Then they kissed tenderly.

Lily sighed, easing away from James again. 'Well we'll have to remember to thank Sirius for this won't we?' She smiled brightly. James nodded, his eyes shining with happiness. 'Yes, but there is just one thing'. Lily gave him a quizzical look. James went on. 'He says I should help you more around the house'.

Lily started to laugh. 'Well, I'll tell you what James, if I remember to tell you I love you every day, will you remember to pick up your clothes off the bathroom floor after you've bathed and will you try not to leave the toilet seat up, do we have a deal?'

James Potter beamed with pleasure. 'Yes my love, we have a deal'.

They sealed their arrangement with a kiss, before hand in hand they went home together, only stopping briefly to thank Sirius Black for being such a good friend.

The End

A/N Well there we are, the finish! I should like to thank you all so very much for your reviews of this and also the reviews of my other stories. I hope the end of this one comes up to scratch. Due to some stuff going on at home I've had to finish it faster than I intended, I'm open to rewriting this chapter if people think it needs it. As ever, read and review. Thanks again for all your encouragement. Personal replies to all reviews soon!


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